Messy Community

I dont know about you, but sometimes when its been a long time since I've spoken to a friend, I tend to forget just how good of a friend they are. And then, one day, when we finally DO reconnect, I wonder why I ever allowed the time and the distance to keep us apart.

We all need community. We need friends. I truly believe we were created for fellowship and relationship and to be amongst people. Maybe not all  the time around people, but to live along side others and not keep them at arms length.

Coming back to Nova Scotia has caused me to see that more clearly than I ever really realized.
If you know me at all, you know I have friends all over the world. And true friends that I do my best to stay in touch with. But Nova Scotia has the highest concentration of close friends than any other place I've ever lived.  And as such, I feel I am already being drawn into the community.

Let me quickly clarify that when I talk of community, I dont actually mean a physical location; as we sometimes use the word interchangeably with neighborhood.  I mean a network of people that live life alongside one another; geography aside.
My parents have an incredibly network of people in Edmonton that I was raised in. A privilege if you ask me, because its now a third-generation community.  Its a major part of who I am, because I was brought up alongside so many other families. It takes a village to raise a child has a lot of merit for me.

However, this sort of community is not perfect. In fact, I have come to believe, that it actually finds strength in its imperfection. Its through the struggle to escape the cocoon that a butterfly completes its transformation. If the cocoon was not so difficult to break free from, a butterfly's body would not be properly formed and it would never be able to fly. The fluid that has amassed inside its stomach needs to be squeezed into its wings for healthy development. This happens as the butterfly fights to exit the narrow hole in the cocoon.
And so, I have begun to thank God for the fact that imperfect community is all part of the process to bring perfection in us. Though we cannot attain perfection this side of heaven, the Bible is clear that we are being refined - through our surrender to God and our fellowship with others - so that we may reflect the beauty of Christ all the more clearly.
Silver is refined over fire until it is clear enough to reflect the face of the Refiner.

Now, doesn't this sound so romantic and ideal? I mean I love the idea and concept of community. I love the idealism we can spout from our lips when we talk about what we want our community to look like.
But you know what? The image we have in our mind of living in community usually appeals only to the one who is dreaming, because we fashion community to our liking. We plan out direction and goals based on what we would want ourselves. The greater good is often secondary to my perceived good. And when community life infringes on what makes me comfortable, I start to find reason to withdraw. I make excuses why I can't show up to group events or to attend church consistently. I start to pull away from the whole and focus maybe only on the few people I actually get along well with. I allow myself to invest my life in theirs, because its safe and its comfortable.

All the while, I am a disproportioned butterfly wondering why I can't fly.

In the month since my last blog post, I've begun a journey to rediscover the fight through the cocoon.  Being back in Edmonton for my grandma's funeral at the start of March drew my attention to the importance of both family and community. Sometimes we're lucky enough to have both together in the same environment. I live too nomadic for that to happen, so instead, God has placed the opportunity for surrogate family in the places I've lived. My problem is Im not always that good at accepting what God offers and Im too eager for the grass on the other side of the fence. Often I miss the opportunity.

In any case, its becoming clear to me that I actually do thrive when I choose to be planted! Go figure ;-)

When I mentioned at the beginning about the friend that I hadn't done a good job keeping in touch with, I was referring to Jesus. I've actually done a fantastic job of keeping Him on the fringe of my life over the last few years and justified the behavior with petty excuses.

These last couple of weeks have not been easy. Its not smooth sailing by any means. But there's been something significantly different happening in my life as a result of my determination to stick with community. I've rediscovered my best friend, Jesus, and I can already see things shifting in my day to day life. There's a hope dawning. Not that I know what for, but the fact is,  each day I wake with some secretive anticipation for what the day will hold. There's joy returning to my step, and true deep laughter bubbling over. I can't remember how long its been since I've laughed this frequently. And I find myself truly deeply caring about others. Dont get me wrong, I've never been false in my compassion. That is NOT who I am. But I have definitely struggled for empathy that comes naturally. I have had to push myself to overcome my own selfish desires in order to give to others. And now, I find myself back in the swing of who I know I am: someone who longs to bless; who looks for the chance to offer herself to others. And the best part is, Im loving who I am being refined as.

Im loving that Im discovering the fight through the cocoon IS definitely, undeniably, assuredly a rewarding fight!
I close with these words of David Crowder from his song, "Neverending":

"Oh You make all the difference;

Yeah You change everything;
 You make our whole existence;
 Worth something, so we sing"